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Breaking emotional attachment to the things we write and say - STREAMLine 3️⃣3️⃣

Don't ask, don't get.

Annette Raffan

21 Sep 2025 • 6 min read

Sometimes we need to separate what we write and say from what we feel.

You will probably be glad to know this newsletter is a little shorter than the last one! This week I'm focusing on breaking the emotional attachment between our inner selves and what we write and say. Although I am a great advocate of weaving emotion into writing, there are times when it is not appropriate. Academic writing is one of those times, as is when trying to process feedback on your writing.

🗺️ Here is what I've been Exploring

I have been exploring creating self-assessments for Knowledge Ecology this week. I thought this could be a really useful way to provide targeted suggestions of ways I can help you, or things you might want to try.

I have also been exploring AI model training roles around my PhD subject area. I admit the extra income would be nice. However, I think the time commitment is too much each week. Part of me feels a responsibility towards training models in my field, and then another part of me feels I would be contributing to the problem, not the solution. Clearly too much emotional attachment to my research field!

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Do you think we - as researchers 'at the frontline' - have a responsibility to train AI models? Something for you to explore 😁.

🤗 Here is what I've Embraced

I'm one of those people who doesn't ask for things on the basis I'm getting in the way and I'll get a no. This week I have been exploring the feelings and outcomes associated with "don't ask, don't get" or perhaps more appropriate: "ask and you might get, but you won't find out until you ask..."

When we arrived 40 minutes early for an NHS dentist appointment for my daughter, my husband was adamant that I should go and ask to see if we could get seen early. Me thinking that it's the NHS, there is no way this would happen and I would be getting in the way, I was an equally adamant no. But as in all situations like this, I don't win! So I had to go in and ask... Cut a not very long story short, she got seen early and we were out and home by the time we would have been seen otherwise...

The second thing, and it seems stupid as I write this - but I'm an embarrassingly mega introvert 🙈 - I asked whether I could mix and match some items on a café menu. It was another yes.

Perhaps I'm learning something here? Ask and you'll find out I guess!

🎬 Feedback survey request

Speaking of don't ask, don't get, and getting feedback on my writing I'd love if you could take a couple of minutes to tell me what you think! 👇🏻

✨🌟⭐⭐Survey Link ⭐⭐🌟✨ (will take you to JotForm page, I don't ask for any personal details 😁)

You can fill in as few or as many questions as you like. Anything is helpful. Just knowing that I might be helping one person out makes it all worth it for me.

Thank you 🙏🏻

🥳 Here is what I've Enjoyed

I have been enjoying the feeling of seeing the second draft of a PhD chapter come together. This draft is miles better than the first one. The thing that has made the difference for me, is making sure my hypotheses are crystal clear with extra shine. By really nailing these down - and I'll admit Claude helped me with this - I now have a clear structure of what I need to do and what links everything together, what results should be included (and excluded), and the order things need to be done. If you are struggling with structure, try to get the last paragraph of your introduction completely nailed down. Einstein wasn't wrong when he said:

"If I had an hour to solve a problem I'd spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions."

What also strikes me, is that when I first submitted the work and got comments back I didn't realise that I was still in the period in which I was emotionally attached to the work. Whilst I valued and appreciated the fair comments, I couldn't help but feel a sense of personal attack. This is completely natural considering I invested so much emotion into getting it into first draft stage.

Now that I have come back to the comments a year later (!) I read them with much more objectivity. This is why it is important to let work sit for a while after you get feedback. I completely agree with all the comments and as I started working things into the second draft, I was doing the things they suggested before I'd read the comment that said to do just that. It was clear how much my writing and structuring has come on since then.

Personal ecosystem developments

The time I spend on my PhD each week can quickly spiral out of hand. Technically I am 0.5 FTE, so that means I should spend around 18-20 hours each week on my PhD. Realistically I spend about 25 hours. This can soon creep higher when I spend the odd morning or evening working. The only way to prevent me over doing it, is to keep track of my time. Whilst time trackers are an option, the simplest way I find is to time block my calendar to the nearest 15 minutes. Now that I know I've hit 19 hours for the week, I feel a bit better taking the time to do some Knowledge Ecology writing and to go out for lunch on Friday rather than working on my PhD for another 5 hours...

Knowledge Ecology ecosystem developments

This week I'm writing about how to level up PhD task management so that its easier to stay on top of tasks. As I write it, I realised that 'levelling up' might actually feel like we are going backwards in real terms. Do you have any insights on task management? Send me an email and I'll include your thoughts in the post: annette@knowledgeecology.me.

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Have you ever tried writing whilst listening to different types of music, or even different background sounds? Try it! See if it helps invoke different emotions: sadness, happiness, energy, calm...

Research inspiration

Very excited to see Anne-Laure Le Cunff has launched her own self-paced course called "The Experimental Leader". Her online community 'Ness Labs' is one of the best and most affordable 'thought leader-y' communities out there. If there is someone I look up to and think 'I want to be them', it's her 😅. I won't be buying just yet as I have too many other things to keep on top of, but I suspect this will be incredibly interesting and insightful leadership training.

In case you missed it

Thanks for reading! Until next time, keep STREAMLining 😜

Annette X

Note on AI LLM use for this post

No AI LLM was used in the writing/editing/anything of this post (unless you count the inbuilt Ghost spell-checker...). Mistakes and opinions are therefore all my own 🙃